Failing...at Life, and Slowly Dying

my ears ring deafening

my heart pounds hard and heavy

in my chest

my stomach is twisted in knots

I am so exhausted

I just want to sleep

sleep away life

yet the caffeine from the coffee

has me wired

wide awake

shakey and jittery

hunger does hit

my stomach grumbles

knowing I should eat

yet I can not

can not bring myself to do so

the thought of food

the thought of eating

my stomach twists and knots more

I get nauseous

I go numb

the shakes and jitters return

overtaking my body

it's a fear

the fear grasps me

failing...at life

falling apart 

-

love and hate, hate and love

beginning to hate the love, and

love the hate

how will this life

of a broken man end?

how will death be?

Out of Work, and the Possibility of Divorce

beautiful days are gone

the fire inside

that once burned for passion

and inspiration

is dying out

the positive hippie vibes

and love was suppose to be

the most powerful thing

it's all rotted away

forty-three years of life

and I have nothing

positivity and love

have become a lie

turning to hate the world

this is no life to live

[untitled]

we shall overcome

words

along with music notes

on the upper left corner

of sculpture art

in the skövde library

I sit

trying to write my thoughts

of despair

those words

we shall overcome,

I need to overcome

those words

they fall into place so perfectly

in this moment of life

a stupid cliche

for inspiration

[untitled]

an april spring tuesday

I stood in the bedroom

folding laundry on the bed

staring off

out the bedroom window

out over the balcony

the paved pathway

cutting through the still barren trees

the woods

it was the apartment in sweden

I thought about the traded view

the apartment in norway

the balcony there

out over the rooftops of wooden houses

the street of lokkeveien

out to the fjord sea waters

two different scenes

still - all mother nature

New England Memories

non-existent

new england memories

I was born there

but raised in the south

now I live in norway

a small seaside village -

son

...

son reminds me

of those memories

I never knew



[untitled]

lost days

almost two months

gone by

the days

and nights bleed together,

pass by quickly

late nights -

exhausted,

the sound

of snoring

lay awake

with thoughts

no work found

only those dreams

vivid, strange,

haunting

the streets

and sidewalks are wet

with melting snow

slush

dirty

[untitled]

second half of january

and on into february

thinking back, remembering

reminiscent

of four year old memories

winter in a foreign land

the hunt -

search for work

needing a job

hitting the streets,

pounding the pavement

once again

walking cold windy

dirty slush, snowy

ice and wet city streets

all with no luck

so far